Well, seems like a good time to use a picture from my trip to Utah.
I wasn’t sure what I would write about this morning. After doing my scripture studies, there was a bunch of topics I could’ve talked about. Ranted about, even. Some of these topics get me pretty fired up. But after cruising through the church website, a new video came up, and immediately I knew I wanted to talk about this. If you haven’t seen it, I’m including the link here; it’s called, Like A Broken Vessel.
The video is about 11 minutes long, and is told through the eyes of people who struggled with mental illness – particularly depression and anxiety. It’s a beautiful story of hope, and finding hope in the middle of these trials. I found out that Elder Jeffrey R. Holland faced depression in his own life too, something I hadn’t known before. At the heart of the video is a message for people struggling with either: Get help. Combining physical and spiritual treatment is the way to overcome.
As I viewed this, I found myself thinking of my own little sister. And also of myself.
It frustrates me that so many people still don’t understand this stuff is real. I’ve struggled with mental illness myself. It’s only by God’s grace, in fact, that I’m able to function as a happy, healthy member of society. Those of you who know me personally know there was a big time in my life that I basically didn’t. However, I felt a need to keep it hidden. So I forced myself to play the game and act like nothing was wrong. I guess I did a good job, because nobody said anything until I dropped the act.
So many people go through it, and yet everybody thinks they’re alone. Frankly, I wish I’d caught on sooner. If you haven’t been through it, it can be summed up like this, in a nutshell: Part of your psyche is basically beyond your control. It’s like a curse. I honestly consider it a curse. Whether it’s depression or anxiety or what, you can’t just “suck it up.” And often, people who “suck it up” really just hurt themselves by pretending the problem is gone when it’s not. It’s like trying to run on a broken leg. You try to run as fast as everyone else, you’re going to hurt yourself even worse.
Regardless, I have a strong testimony of the things Elder Holland said in this video. These things can be healed. The damage extends to your body as well as your spirit. Our very existence is a fusion of the two. You can’t hurt one without hurting the other. It reminds me of my first trip to the chiropractor. There was a chart on the wall showing how your spine interacts with the rest of your body. Problems in your back can lead to problems in totally different areas.
For example, my mom was feeling sick the night before, and thought she ate something bad. Doc popped a vertebrae on her lower back, and the nausea vanished minutes later. It wasn’t a stomach issue at all; it was a back issue. Treating the stomach would’ve done nothing. But because the two are connected, the problem spreads to affect areas that aren’t actually injured at all.
It’s the same with mental illnesses. You can treat the body all you want, take pills and such, but it’s probably just treating the symptoms. You can change the way you think about things, but if it’s serious enough, that won’t be enough on its own. Or, as Elder Holland put it, prayer and blessings isn’t enough. God gave us medicine. He expects us to use it too.
I kinda see it like this; the medicine treats the physical weakness, and the prayer and blessings treat the spiritual weakness. The problem is twofold: When you’ve got, say, clinical depression, your body lacks the ability to produce certain chemicals that translate into happy feelings. Among other things. This causes you to feel sad a lot, and when you feel sad, you think sad, making you even sadder. So, the medicine treats the physical issue, and spiritual medicine like prayer trains you to remember the good things. Basically, to deliberately be happy. The two, hand in hand, go together.
I’ll admit, I never had to take medicine, so some would probably say I have no right to speak on this. Definitely gotten that a few times from different people…but I have battled with depression too. Among other things. There was a time in my life when I was so used to feeling sad, any flicker of happiness felt alien. Wrong, even. In my case, I needed the support of God and a friend.
My beloved, Andrew, was just a friend at the time, but he was always there for me, and he pulled me through so much. He gave me a reason to keep on hoping when I’d lost my ability to feel hope. Then God reached out and touched me directly. The two combined together is what healed me. And I know that can work wonders for other people, too.
So, if you’re struggling with something like this…get help. Please, get help. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. We don’t make a child feel bad for needing a doctor when they’re sick; you shouldn’t feel bad either. You just do what you need to do, and don’t ever quit. The battle is going to be a tough one. But it can be won, and when you reach the end, you’ll be able to feel those things again. Just like I did.
Good luck on your journey, y’all. I’ll be cheering you on. 🙂
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